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Have you ever found yourself with a goal in your line of vision yet unable to cross the last ten yards to the finish line? There doesn"t appear to be anybody or anything in the way to stop you, and yet you just can"t seem to take the final leap and get where you want to be.
I"ve often wondered about this phenomenon and there are probably as many reasons for this as there are people. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of disappointment, actually, a whole bunch of fears. And when the goal is in sight, you can be pretty sure it"s a fear of SOMETHING that stops you from taking those last few steps.
A fear that has come into play several times in my life, surprisingly enough, is the fear of Forever! That is a word that has frightened me more often than I care to admit. There is something so final about forever that it scares the living daylights out of me.
What if I make a wrong choice? What if I continue to grow and change, and I don"t like what I"ve chosen today? What if I go this way and miss something incredibly wonderful over that way? This seems such a silly thing to be afraid of, and yet it can paralyze one for a very long time.
I remember a time when it hit me (the proverbial lightning bolt of understanding) that something that was holding me up from allowing a relationship in my life was the fact that I was committed to self-exploration, growth and development. I felt that I was constantly changing and was afraid that a relationship that I committed to today wouldn"t be the right one in one year, five years, ten years.
One day I was thinking of this and came at it from the other direction. How much was I going to have to change to start wanting a jerk in my life? Because the qualities I was looking for in a relationship all pointed towards allowing someone in who was basically "nice": loving, supportive, growing, spiritual, etc. And I - finally!-couldn"t imagine evolving so much that I was going to stop wanting these particular qualities. In fact, that wouldn"t take evolving, but just the opposite!
Recently, I was involved in a workshop on Life Planning. When the leader asked the question "What is stopping you from having the life you want", I was shocked when I realized my uncensored answer was "what if it"s the wrong path?". This is more of that "forever" thinking. There truly is no such thing as the "wrong" path. My logical mind knows this: there are no mistakes, there is only experience.
And yet, I was surprised that this fear had resurfaced. Once we have a major realization, we often think that it"s behind us, that it won"t come up again. Life lessons, however, tend to come at us "onion-fashion". We peel off one layer, work with that a bit, and then one day (sometimes years later) we find the next layer.
So how am I dealing with this Fear of Forever? I"ve come up with a phrase that I find helpful, and I have a huge sign on my desktop: "Forever is for as long as it feels right". It may seem silly, but it lets me take a deep breath and put the whole "forever" thing in perspective. And without doing that, there are some wonderful big steps (like getting married) that I might never have taken.
It is not less of a commitment to the thing that I am choosing. In fact, I think it helps me stay focused in the moment and living in the "now" rather than in the past or future. In reality, all we have is now. No one can know what the future can bring. That"s part of the adventure of life. All I know for sure is that I"m not going to let the fear of forever stop me from delighting in the joy of the present!
(c) Louise Morganti Kaelin. Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). Find many free resources to assist you in living the life of your dreams at http://www.touchpointcoaching.com For her free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, email mailto:
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